Watching He’s Just Not that Into You at 37,000 feet makes me glad I have a vomit bag in front of me. I’m writing this week’s blog on the airplane back to Orlando from San Francisco. I’ve been lucky enough to almost completely ignore a myriad of plane movies along the way, from the Paul Blart opus, to the aforementioned chick-flick crap-trap, to its equally-offensive sister film, Bride Wars.
I say “almost completely ignore,” because I woke up occasionally to see a scene or two out of context and without sound. Amazingly, they still all sucked. Seriously, how did Jennifer Connelly, Scar Jo, Jen An, the “Unhappily Ever After” kid and the Mac douchebag end up in a movie together? Wait, did I just see the lesser half of Bennifer? Why is this movie on planes?!
Okay, I apologize for the severe digression, which may be one part jet lag, one part turbulence, and several parts shitty movie exposure, which is sort of like radiation exposure, except you don’t die as quick. But, this blog is not really to complain about everything in the world that bothers me (though isn’t that what blogs are for?). This blog is to explain the unique cinematic experience I had on my trip.
After enjoying an idyllic vacation with my girlfriend in the San Francisco Bay area, on our last night we met up with some friends at Sundance Cinemas Kabuki Theater in Japantown. Our objective—see the latest Terminator movie. However, I had no idea that I would be forever spoiled for all the other movie theaters in the country by the Kabuki’s uptown charm.
I could gush about the theater, how we had access to a bar a few steps from the theater door, how we had tables in between every two seats in which to put our drinks and food, how you can reserve your reclining, overstuffed seat ahead of time, how our seats were in the first row of the balcony looking directly at the screen, how I’ll never be able to enjoy a movie again without these amenities… I was so comfortable that I almost forgot we were there to see a movie.
At the Kabuki, instead of normal movie trailers, the lights went down and the screen emblazoned with the original trailer for 1984’s classic, The Terminator. I reminded my girlfriend of the Time article I read that claimed James Cameron wanted to use OJ Simpson as the terminator, but thought “people wouldn’t have believed a nice guy like OJ playing the part of a ruthless killer.” It’s good to laugh.
The next trailer was for T2: Judgment Day, reminding me of when Guns ‘n’ Roses were relevant and Eddie Furlong still had a future. Expecting the trailer to the third Terminator debacle, instead we were given the trailer for the 1970 classic, Hercules in New York! Mr. Olympia at his best, in his own voice! I was entertained, and the movie hadn’t even begun. Domo arigato, Kabuki!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Everyone’s Got a Blog These Days, and This One is Mine
My friend, Jim, at Movie Brain Rot (dot-com), and I have a long filmic history. The Orlando scene is incestuous, everybody running into everybody after a while, and one day Jim and I crossed paths at the house of Before You Submit’s mastermind, Brian Quain. We all talked/gushed/argued movies, TV, pop culture, and were lucky enough to work on all sorts of movie-oriented projects. We had some hits and misses, and I had a few foul balls that might have hit little kids in the crowd, but it was always fun.
When Jim asked me if I wanted to write a blog for his site, I had to review my qualifications to do such a thing as pontificate about the cinematic arts: “professional writer, quasi-professional/mostly-amateur filmmaker, film festival programming experience, and double English/Humanities B.A. degree with a concentration in film” (anyone hiring?). The concentration in film was a dozen classes relating to film, ie. Literature and Film, Screenwriting, Writing Film Reviews…
But, this is the internet. I’ve written blogs religiously since 2003, after joining some website for “writers” that rewarded (robot-voice) “consumer-generated content receiving maximum hits from end-users.” It became a fucked-up community of people trying to grab headlines, with writing that weren’t even grammatically nor typogriphically corrct. Moviebrainrot.com is a better place for my particular, hopefully grammatically and tupographically correct, brand of ranting. And, being a movie site, I’ll stop gibbering about me, and start yammering about me and my recent relationship with the movies.
I stopped going to the movies on May 19, 1999. Movie geeks probably know the importance of this date without any additional elaboration, but it was to be the last time I went to the movies. I was done. I was Jar-Jarred.
I avoided the theaters for the next four years, but never stopped watching movies voraciously at home, witnessing the final transition from tracking-sensitive VHS pan-and-scan versions of The Karate Kid to DVD widescreen director’s commentary versions of The Karate Kid. Where have you gone, Ralph “Di” Macchio?
Trying to get laid one time in 2003, I went with a girl to see the John Cusack/Ray Liotta opus, Identity, breaking my silent boycott of movie theaters. I never blamed the movie for blowing my chances that night, but has a Pruitt Taylor Vance movie ever helped anyone get laid?
I somewhat reluctantly started to go out to the movies again, though never again with the enthusiasm I had when I was a kid. No more E.T. experiences. No longer moved, save for the intellectual and/or artistic appreciation. The stories are plots, and the people on the screen, actors. So cynical. So subjectively young.
But, that is not to say that intellectual, artistic, and cultural contributions made in film are any less real. The power of cinema is undeniable; anyone that knows me understands my stance: cinema is the most relevant art form today. What that means, I guess, is really up to you. Keep reading and I’ll try to explain it in words.
When Jim asked me if I wanted to write a blog for his site, I had to review my qualifications to do such a thing as pontificate about the cinematic arts: “professional writer, quasi-professional/mostly-amateur filmmaker, film festival programming experience, and double English/Humanities B.A. degree with a concentration in film” (anyone hiring?). The concentration in film was a dozen classes relating to film, ie. Literature and Film, Screenwriting, Writing Film Reviews…
But, this is the internet. I’ve written blogs religiously since 2003, after joining some website for “writers” that rewarded (robot-voice) “consumer-generated content receiving maximum hits from end-users.” It became a fucked-up community of people trying to grab headlines, with writing that weren’t even grammatically nor typogriphically corrct. Moviebrainrot.com is a better place for my particular, hopefully grammatically and tupographically correct, brand of ranting. And, being a movie site, I’ll stop gibbering about me, and start yammering about me and my recent relationship with the movies.
I stopped going to the movies on May 19, 1999. Movie geeks probably know the importance of this date without any additional elaboration, but it was to be the last time I went to the movies. I was done. I was Jar-Jarred.
I avoided the theaters for the next four years, but never stopped watching movies voraciously at home, witnessing the final transition from tracking-sensitive VHS pan-and-scan versions of The Karate Kid to DVD widescreen director’s commentary versions of The Karate Kid. Where have you gone, Ralph “Di” Macchio?
Trying to get laid one time in 2003, I went with a girl to see the John Cusack/Ray Liotta opus, Identity, breaking my silent boycott of movie theaters. I never blamed the movie for blowing my chances that night, but has a Pruitt Taylor Vance movie ever helped anyone get laid?
I somewhat reluctantly started to go out to the movies again, though never again with the enthusiasm I had when I was a kid. No more E.T. experiences. No longer moved, save for the intellectual and/or artistic appreciation. The stories are plots, and the people on the screen, actors. So cynical. So subjectively young.
But, that is not to say that intellectual, artistic, and cultural contributions made in film are any less real. The power of cinema is undeniable; anyone that knows me understands my stance: cinema is the most relevant art form today. What that means, I guess, is really up to you. Keep reading and I’ll try to explain it in words.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
